The "C" Word
by DAISY THOMAS
Last week, Utah's state legislators blocked the ability to teach children and teens about consent and coercion in sexual situations; this coming from a state where 1 in 3 women experience some form of sexual violence and 1 in 10 children will suffer sexual abuse before they turn 18, yet nowhere on the Department of Health's data-based resources even mention the word consent.
What is with this aversion to teaching minors about sexual consent? Younger generations clearly see the need and many students, parents, teachers, and mental health specialists have have been requesting comprehensive sex education year after year, knowing that far too many children and teens only exposure is through the warped lens of pop culture and social media, constantly selling false ideas of sexuality and supposed (often false / fantasy based) sexual expectations.
The continued rise of "professional" influencers to sell insecurities has undue influence on modern youth's self-esteem and outlook towards sexuality. A hypernormalisation of sexualization of girls gets younger and younger, yet 21 years into the 21st century, our nation and particularly this state, has an absurdly antiquated attitude towards discussing sexuality in the public sphere, with rape, sexual abuse, and sexual violence rates that historically, deeply, and continue to severely mar Utah's family friendly image..
It isn't confounding as to why; many directly connect sexuality to intimacy and procreation as its main or only focus. As this mode of thought is often rooted in one's deeply held religious or cultural beliefs, the conversation has sadly -- and more importantly, wrongly fallen into one of the pervasive social etiquette rules that have left too many Americans with an inability to have healthy, respectful discourse.
Sexuality is so much more than who we may or may not procreate with, but rather a complex navigation and deeply meaningful understanding of who we are as we transition into adulthood. Utah's Age of Consent is 18 years old. "In the United States, the age of consent is the minimum age at which an individual is considered legally old enough to consent to participation in sexual activity. Individuals aged 17 or younger in Utah are not legally able to consent to sexual activity, and such activity may result in prosecution for statutory rape. Utah statutory rape law is violated when a person has consensual sexual intercourse with an individual under age 18. Close in age exemptions allow teens aged 16 and 17 to consent to partners less than 7 years older, and partners between 7 and 10 years older if they had no reasonable knowledge of the minor's age."
As we exist in shared public spaces and will interact, in such spaces and in familiar places, we have a civic and moral responsibility to our communities to ensure that we are operating under a common understanding of what consent even is, how it is defined, and how it is applied. Some families and caregivers are fortunate and have open communication without hesitation with their kids; many more do not.
Normalizing and demystifying such discussions about all aspects of our humanness will only serve to help heal those who've suffered in loneliness and isolation, believing the worst of themselves for simply not being given the language in which to communicate with. According to RAINN, (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network, our nation's largest anti-sexual violence organization,) consent does NOT look like this:
● Refusing to acknowledge "no"
● A partner who is disengaged, nonresponsive, or visiblyupset
● Assuming that wearing certain clothes, flirting, or kissing is an invitation for anything more
● Someone being under the legal age of consent, as defined by the state1
● Someone being incapacitated because of drugs or alcohol
● Pressuring someone into sexual activity by using fear orintimidation
● Assuming you have permission to engage in a sexual act because you've done it in the pastLeading anti-sexual violence Canadian advocacy group, Project Respect puts sexual consent into clear terms:
It's the law.
1 As of May 14, 2019, one must be at least 16-years-old to be married in Utah, unless you have parental and court approval. However, and this is significant, Utah Code §30-1-9 specifically stipulates, "If you are under 18 but you have been married before, you do not need consent a second time. There are many issues with underage Utahns crossing the border for less restrictive states, sometimes of their own volition, but often not. Coercion of children as "young brides" is still one of the myriad of issues that no one wants to speak too much about in polite company.