A Journey Through Time: Psilocybin with A Lover
I laid there under blankets, on the couch, and in the warm embrace of my newfound love. A love that ran deeper than any of my previous multi-year relationships, even though we had just hit our two-month anniversary. We booked a bohemian decorated Airbnb in a small mountain town just over an hour outside of Los Angeles to celebrate. The crisp December air was pierced by the large heater we kept on in the living room for our journey. I smiled in gratitude, ready for this profoundly penetrating medicine to crack us open. This was his first time with psilocybin mushrooms, but not mine. This was; however, my first time experiencing them with a significant other. I was ready to hold space for whatever might emerge from the depths of his unconscious mind, and I couldn’t wait to see what the medicine had in store for us.
Through this large TV in our soon-to-be ceremonial space, we were accidentally logged into a girl named Kayla’s Spotify, who must’ve been a previous guest at the Airbnb. My boyfriend, whom I call “my love,” enjoyed peeking into her soul by exploring her playlists, so we didn’t want to log out. To deepen our experience, I put on one of my favorite East Forest Albums called “Music for Mushrooms: A Soundtrack for the Psychedelic Practitioner.”
Before we laid down, we held a small intention-setting ceremony to create a safe container for both of us to surrender. One of his intentions was to submit to the experience fully. One of mine was to hold him in whatever way he may need. Our intentions overlapped in that we both had a strong desire to feel whole and unconditional love for each other. I didn’t think I could feel more love for him since I already loved him so deeply. I was wrong.
Approximately 30 minutes later, as we lay there in what looked like a love cocoon, I started to fly away, safe in his arms. I can only describe the feeling as my consciousness lifting out of my body, traversing the Universe, while simultaneously sinking deep into my body which melted into the couch. Suddenly, in a moment of sheer vulnerability, I started giggling.
My love followed suit, no doubt wondering why I started in the first place. His laughter made me laugh even harder, and before I knew it, gut-wrenching-happy tears were streaming down my face. I finally calmed down and settled back in, but not even 30 seconds later, my love’s voice coaxed me in a playful tone, “Who’s got the giggles?” I burst out in uncontrollable laughter, completely unable to control myself. After approximately 20 plant medicine ceremonies of various types, this was the first time I had experienced the purge of pure, joyous, contagious laughter. It was marvelous.
ADVERTISEMENT
After many rounds of this silly game of laughter peek-a-boo, I closed my eyes, nuzzled into his arms, and the medicine knew it was time to take me on a journey. I saw myself in the symbol of a purple butterfly. Flying next to me was my love, a blue butterfly. My first thought was that two halves were going to make a whole. I anticipated merging one of his wings with one of mine with a stereotypical “you complete me” vibe. However, what unfolded was even more profound. The blue butterfly landed on top of the purple, creating two sides of the same coin. From one perspective, I was still the beautiful and complete purple butterfly, and from another, I was able to show an entirely new side of myself with him in my life. I realized that he was the perfect addition to my life as he held up a new mirror, reflecting on myself in a way that allowed me to be a unique being without completely changing who I was already. He added a new dimension.
The following vision flashed before my closed eyes depicted me as a high priestess in ancient Egypt. A recurring place in many of my meditations and journeys. From my point of view, I could see I was on the floor of a beautiful temple of some kind, in the arms of my love. I saw his sharp, handsome jawline as he looked outward, calling for help. I was peaceful, but he was in significant distress. That’s when it came to me, and I was dying in his arms.
I flashed back to all the times in this life he had randomly said to me in a severe tone, “Don’t let anything happen to you. Ok?” I found it strange that he would feel so protective and worried about my safety enough to tell me many times vocally. The mushrooms showed me why, and I had died in his arms in a past life. Emotion flooded my body, and I found myself crying. I knew then why our love ran so deep. It was a love that probably spanned many more lifetimes. I felt his gentle hand brush away my tears and caress my face, making me cry even more. I was so incredibly grateful to have him back in my life.
He would later reveal that he curiously observed me go through that powerful experience. In the exact moment of death in ancient Egypt, as I cried, he was watching me morph into an older woman whose last breath was escaping. He looked down at my hands he was holding and found them cold and stiff. My death reflected—two sides of the same butterfly.
I finally opened my eyes to his affectionate face. I smiled an “I love you” smile, knowing that I would keep my profound visions to myself until I had a better capacity to narrate them. He smiled back and started talking about how energy cannot be created or destroyed but remains in a constant state of transition and how people are inherently complicated. I desperately tried to follow his mile-a-minute observations, but after seeing the higher-than-life look on my face, he proclaimed, “I need to stretch!” before climbing over me to get to the blanket-covered floor. I looked at him in wide-eyed wonder, knowing there was no way I could get up at this point.
ADVERTISMENT
Approximately 30 minutes later, I finally managed to leave the couch and ended up wholly pancaked on top of him on the floor. We both verbalized how we weren’t two people anymore. Our bodies melted into each other. I felt light as a feather, yet as dense as molten steel dripping off either side of him. As we lay there, completely enveloped in each other’s energy, the music abruptly stopped. I lifted my head to look at him, then to the remote, which was 3 feet away. We both turned our heads to the TV. As if a ghost had the remote, it exited our album and clicked through to another song before switching yet again to another. “Wait!” my love exclaimed. “We’re in Kayla’s head right now!” he said excitedly. Imagine Kayla signs into her account from her phone and wonders why a Mushroom album is playing!
I could go on for days about our new inside jokes, insanely delicious experiences with the fruit we prepared for the journey, sad attempts at salsa dancing, and the beautiful, emotional connections we formed. The mushrooms so eloquently illustrated things far deeper besides the funny stories, laughs, and tears. As energy, we cannot be created or destroyed; simply transformed from one life to the next. After our shells die and morph back into the Earth, what is left is a unique and impermeable love that spans physical matter, time, and space.
Maybe what my love experienced was yet another testament to our love in other lifetimes, or perhaps it was a premonition of what we may share at the end of this one? I guess we'll just have to see how this story ends. Well, if you believe in endings.